I had turn 14 in the middle of my freshman year in high school and I was dating a guy named Alex. He too was 14; he was tall, cute, tanned and had green eyes. I loved that he was popular. In fact all the girls wanted him, but he only wanted me. Well that is what he told me every time before we had sex. He used to tell me how much he loved me. He was quite the charmer, telling me just what I wanted to hear and I felt for it every time. Alex was quite the player; I knew he had a lot of girlfriends before we hooked up. So I knew very well I would have to fight those hoes out his life. I always heard rumors about him. All the girls enjoyed telling me that he was cheating on me. But I did not care, or at least I did not give them the pleasure of showing them that I cared.
I remember always auguring with Alex about his flings. But soon after we argued we were back at having sex. Sometimes we would do it in my room, other times we would go to his house. My father was rarely home, so I often had the place to my self. After my mother died, my father pretty much let me do what ever I wanted to do. So I did.
I grew up very distant from people. All the girls in school hated me. I could not keep any friends because they were all jealous of me. But I did have one true friend, in fact she was more than a friend, to me she was like a sister. Her name was Brittney; she was my age, tall, light skinned, and had long curly black hair. She was very pretty and had a steady boyfriend, named JR. I always heard stories about what a great kisser he was, which is the reason why I could not believe that she was still a virgin. He respected her and treated her really well, and I liked him for that.
Whenever we weren’t with our boyfriends, we would be hanging out at the mall, or taking pictures or just at home listening to music. I loved to sing; it was one of the ways where I could express my self.
Brittney always teased me about why I was sleeping with Alex, when I was so young, but I told her I liked him a lot, and it felt so good. Well of course, except at the beginning. She would always tell me to be careful and to use protection, and we did, well at least most of the time.
"It ripped, Camile" Alex told me one night, after we had sex. "It did what! How did it rip?" I yelled hysterically I notice him throwing the condom away. "You know why" he said with a smirk in his lips, he was so nasty; sometimes I questioned why I was still with him. "No I don’t know why, what if I get pregnant, then what are we going to do?" I told him, lowering my voice, as those words repeated in my head. ‘A baby, what would I do with a baby, at this age, I am way too young to be raising a baby’ I told my self. "Don’t worry, you know I will take care of you" Alex assured. "You know I love you girl, and I want to marry you" he continued, and for that moment I felt cared for. I knew everything would be al right. "I love you too" I finally said, after almost a year of dating I had finally allowed myself to put my heart out there for him to take, I had finally told him that I loved him. I became vulnerable to him.
"What is wrong with you Camile? Are you feeling sick?" Brittney asked me as we walked down the hall to class. "I am ok, I just haven’t ate today, so I feel a little nauseous, but I will feel better once we eat at lunch" I told her, but I was not ok, in fact I felt like I was about to throw up right then and there, I just held my stomach and prayed that I wouldn’t, I mean how embarrassing would that be?
"Camile, where are you going?" asked my teacher moments later after class started, I did not answer him, I just ran out the class room with my hand around my mouth. I quickly spotted the bathroom and I ran to the first empty stall, I barely made it; I threw up all over the seat. I was so grossed out to be on my knees on the toilet that I kept throwing up. I had never thrown up like this, it hurt so much. "Camile, is everything ok?" Brittney questioned as she came in behind me. I couldn’t manage to say a thing; all I could do is cry. After I finish, I washed my face off, and through the mirror I notice Brittney’s face looking right at me, with a disapproving look which made me feel worst. "I told you to use protection" Brittney finally said, "What! I am not pregnant Brittney" I yelled at her. But deep in me I knew that I sure as heck could be, and I was not fooling anyone. "Well just in case you should get checked" Brittney advised. She looked at me with motherly eyes; I could tell she was worried about me. "I am scared" I slowly said, as I felt tears forming in my eyes, ready to pour any moment now. "I know Camile, I know" Brittney went towards me and hugged me close. "I will go with you, don’t worry" she reassured.
Later that day we went to the local teen clinic in our town. I did not tell Alex, in fact I did not even spend lunch with him, and I avoided him all day. I could not tell him, at least not before knowing.
We waited impatiently for the results. We sat there both nervous. "What if you are?" Brittney began, "I don’t know, I don’t know anything right now" I confessed as I felt goose bumps in my arms. "Camile?" the nurse came out from behind me, my heart began to beet fast, as I got up to follow her into the consultation room.
"I am" I sadly whispered to Brittney minutes later when I came out the consultation room. Brittney looked sad, but she hugged me, and we left to go to her house. During our bus ride to her house we did not say anything; we just stared at each other, clueless.
"When are you going to tell Alex?" Brittney finally asked when we got to her house. "He is coming over tonight, I guess I will tell him then" I said quietly. "What are you going to do with a baby Camile?" Brittney said in a firm voice, "I don’t know yet, until I talk to Alex" I said. "Well you better start thinking about it, because raising a baby is a lot of work, and who is going to help you? You father? He is just a man, he is not going to know what to do" Brittney said. "I know, well I got to go now, cause Alex should be coming to my house anytime now" I said as I got up from her bed annoyed, and headed home.
It did not take me long to get home since me and Brittney lived a few blocks away, that was part of why we were such great friends.
"I will see you later Camile, I am going out with the guys for our ‘guy’s night out’ take care sweetie" my father told me as he kiss me in my cheek and headed out. Fridays are usually my best days of the week, since my father is gone till the next morning, and Alex gets to sleep over. I quickly ran upstairs to my bedroom, and I looked outside my window, from it I could see our beautiful garden which mother had carefully grew around our spa swimming pool, the view I had was so breath taking. Every time I looked down to our garden it reminded me of my mother. Shortly after I would look up to the sky and pray for her, I always prayed that she still remember us, and that she would look over us. But that day, I just prayed for me, and this living thing growing inside me. I prayed to God to help me make the right choice.
"Hey Camile" Alex said leaning in to kiss me as I let him in the house. "Hi Alex" I said slowly and unsure. Alex like always began kissing on me, and grabbing me all over. I felt weird so I moved away from him, and I led him to the living room. "What’s wrong baby?" when I heard that word come out his lips I froze. "We need to talk" I gently told him, as we sat in the sofa. Alex looked at me with a strange look in his face. "Talk then" he said, his eyes studied my body; I could tell he was not in the mood for talking; he only had one thing in mind. "Do you love me?" I began.
My hands began to shake; I felt chills running through my veins. "Stop playing Camile, you know I do" Alex said quickly as he studied my eyes. "Alex, I am pregnant" I told him, and at that point his eyes grew wide open, he quickly put his hands over his head, and he looked at me strangely. I could not make out what his thoughts were; I was scared to hear what he would say. "Are you sure?" Alex said with a surprised look. "Yes I am sure, I just came from the clinic a while ago, and Brittney went with me" I told him fearful to his reaction. "What! So she knows too? Well what are you going to do about it?" Alex stood up. "Yes she knows, she is my best friend, and I don’t know what to do Alex, I am scared" I said to him crying. "Well you aren’t having it, that’s all I know" Alex said in a mad voice. "What do you mean I am not having it, what is it you are suggesting I do" I said to him with unbelief. "You better go and have an abortion, I am not raising no kid" Alex began to yell. "You want me to kill my baby?" I said appalled. "Your baby? That is no baby, that thing is barely an inch in size, it is not a baby yet!" Alex yelled as he came towards me. "So! That does not mean it’s not a living thing, how could you even tell me to do such a thing, you said you would be there for me...you said you loved me and you wanted to marry me" I cried. "Look, all I know is that you are not having this baby, if you do, you can forget about me, ok?" Alex finally calmed down as he began to walk towards the door. "Where are you going? So what, you are just going to leave? Just like this?" I yelled, as he walked out the door he turn towards me and said "I already told you what you got to do, its up to you know, If you really love me you will do the right thing" he closed the door and left me crying.
I was so confused now even more than earlier. What was I suppose to do; I wished my mother could have been with me, to hold me and take care of me. She would definitely know what to do, she always did. Oh how I missed her. I was so lost, I got to my knees and prayed to God, 'Dear Lord please guide me, help me make the right choice, Let me know what it is that you want me to do, please Lord, don’t leave me' .
A month went by, and I was now 7 weeks along my pregnancy. My father knew nothing about it, and I planned to not tell him anything unless I knew for sure what I would do. Brittney was always there for me; she would come more often to visit me, and would always ask me if I knew what I was going to do. I kept telling her that I was not going to have the baby, but deep inside I had gotten used to the idea of being a mother. I prayed everyday that Alex would come around, but the more the days went by, the more I saw him talking to other girls.
One day I notice him kissing the cheerleader captain, she was blonde, had blue eyes, and was a total skank. I knew she was after Alex, ever since we began dating. I guess she thought that I and Alex had broken up, since he was not talking to me as much. But the fact is that we had not broken up officially though I knew that once he knew I was planning on keeping our baby, he would not be around any more.
"Alex!" I yelled as I pushed Tania out the way. "What do you want" Alex told me in a mean voice. "What do you mean, what do I want, you are cheating on me, and you want me to act like nothing happened?" I yelled. I notice that Tania was smiling so I turned my attention to her "why are you kissing my boyfriend" I told her, I was ready to go off on her any second now. "If he is your boyfriend he sure was not showing it by kissing me" Tania said with a proud smile. By then a lot of students had gather around us, and were voicing their opinions left and right. "You slut!" I said slapping Tania, and pushing her to the floor, Alex tried to break us apart as I was punching Tania in the face while she held to my hair, which happened to be in a braid that day. "Get off me Alex!" I yelled as he grabbed me. "Stop it Camile!" he yelled back. Alex wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me out of there, and at that point Tania got up and kicked me in my stomach. "He is my man now!" She yelled. When I felt her kick I immediately turned over to Alex, who was in shock, I guess it reminded him of our baby, so he let me go, and I went off at Tania. Brittney, who was with her man JR was walking by saw the fight, and came running and got in the fight. "I hate you, you stupid ass!" I yelled as I grabbed Tania by her blonde hair, and pulled her to the ground kicking her down. Soon after school security broke us up and took us to the principal's office. I was suspended for a week, along with Tania. My father was called and 30 minutes later he was driving me home.
"What was the fight about now?" My father asked me with a sad voice. "That girl Tania was kissing on Alex dad" I admitted. "So all of this is over Alex'?" my father questioned. "No, Alex would not have kissed her if she was not always throwing herself at him. She is such a slut!" I stopped for I knew that I being pregnant was the reason why Alex had cheated.
Later that evening Alex stopped by. He came in and we sat in the living room. My father of course was out at work. "Why did you cheat on me Alex, don’t you love me?" I asked him. He got up the couch and began walking back and forth till he stopped in front of me, "did you have the abortion yet?" Alex said. "What! No!" I said. "Then there is nothing else to talk about, you know what Camile, I don’t even know if that kid is mine, so don’t even think of spreading rumors about me being the father to no one" Alex said heading towards the door. "WHAT! You know it’s yours, you are the only one I have ever been with, you knew I was a virgin when we hooked up, don’t even give me that" I said with disgust. Alex grabbed me by my arms and pushed me out the way. "That baby is not mine!" he said as he left. Once again he was out of my life, and this time I knew that it would be for ever. I was devastated to think that I was stuck raising a kid on my own, so young, without a mother to guide me. I knew this would be the hardest thing in the world, but I also knew that it was the only choice. My mother would never approve of me aborting. I knew what I was doing, and now I had to deal with the consequences of my actions.
My pregnancy was so hard and stressful since I had to keep going to school. During my 5th month I was already showing, and I being a well fitted girl people could tell that I was pregnant. That is when all the rumors began. Alex began spreading rumors about me. He made up lies about how I had slept with other guys and that is why he left me. He said that I did not even know who the father of my baby was, and that is why I was 'pinning' the baby at him. I was so angry with him. Everyone believed him. Except the people who knew me, they knew the truth. Brittney was always with me now; she and JR began to have problems because she was neglecting him to be with me. I was so stress out.
When I finally decided to tell my father that I was pregnant he was so upset. He looked at me with such a sad look. He began to cry. I felt worst because I had not seen him cry since my mother died. After he calmed down, he came to me and held me in his arms. I felt safe, and loved, and I knew that we would get through this together.
I remember always auguring with Alex about his flings. But soon after we argued we were back at having sex. Sometimes we would do it in my room, other times we would go to his house. My father was rarely home, so I often had the place to my self. After my mother died, my father pretty much let me do what ever I wanted to do. So I did.
I grew up very distant from people. All the girls in school hated me. I could not keep any friends because they were all jealous of me. But I did have one true friend, in fact she was more than a friend, to me she was like a sister. Her name was Brittney; she was my age, tall, light skinned, and had long curly black hair. She was very pretty and had a steady boyfriend, named JR. I always heard stories about what a great kisser he was, which is the reason why I could not believe that she was still a virgin. He respected her and treated her really well, and I liked him for that.
Whenever we weren’t with our boyfriends, we would be hanging out at the mall, or taking pictures or just at home listening to music. I loved to sing; it was one of the ways where I could express my self.
Brittney always teased me about why I was sleeping with Alex, when I was so young, but I told her I liked him a lot, and it felt so good. Well of course, except at the beginning. She would always tell me to be careful and to use protection, and we did, well at least most of the time.
"It ripped, Camile" Alex told me one night, after we had sex. "It did what! How did it rip?" I yelled hysterically I notice him throwing the condom away. "You know why" he said with a smirk in his lips, he was so nasty; sometimes I questioned why I was still with him. "No I don’t know why, what if I get pregnant, then what are we going to do?" I told him, lowering my voice, as those words repeated in my head. ‘A baby, what would I do with a baby, at this age, I am way too young to be raising a baby’ I told my self. "Don’t worry, you know I will take care of you" Alex assured. "You know I love you girl, and I want to marry you" he continued, and for that moment I felt cared for. I knew everything would be al right. "I love you too" I finally said, after almost a year of dating I had finally allowed myself to put my heart out there for him to take, I had finally told him that I loved him. I became vulnerable to him.
"What is wrong with you Camile? Are you feeling sick?" Brittney asked me as we walked down the hall to class. "I am ok, I just haven’t ate today, so I feel a little nauseous, but I will feel better once we eat at lunch" I told her, but I was not ok, in fact I felt like I was about to throw up right then and there, I just held my stomach and prayed that I wouldn’t, I mean how embarrassing would that be?
"Camile, where are you going?" asked my teacher moments later after class started, I did not answer him, I just ran out the class room with my hand around my mouth. I quickly spotted the bathroom and I ran to the first empty stall, I barely made it; I threw up all over the seat. I was so grossed out to be on my knees on the toilet that I kept throwing up. I had never thrown up like this, it hurt so much. "Camile, is everything ok?" Brittney questioned as she came in behind me. I couldn’t manage to say a thing; all I could do is cry. After I finish, I washed my face off, and through the mirror I notice Brittney’s face looking right at me, with a disapproving look which made me feel worst. "I told you to use protection" Brittney finally said, "What! I am not pregnant Brittney" I yelled at her. But deep in me I knew that I sure as heck could be, and I was not fooling anyone. "Well just in case you should get checked" Brittney advised. She looked at me with motherly eyes; I could tell she was worried about me. "I am scared" I slowly said, as I felt tears forming in my eyes, ready to pour any moment now. "I know Camile, I know" Brittney went towards me and hugged me close. "I will go with you, don’t worry" she reassured.
Later that day we went to the local teen clinic in our town. I did not tell Alex, in fact I did not even spend lunch with him, and I avoided him all day. I could not tell him, at least not before knowing.
We waited impatiently for the results. We sat there both nervous. "What if you are?" Brittney began, "I don’t know, I don’t know anything right now" I confessed as I felt goose bumps in my arms. "Camile?" the nurse came out from behind me, my heart began to beet fast, as I got up to follow her into the consultation room.
"I am" I sadly whispered to Brittney minutes later when I came out the consultation room. Brittney looked sad, but she hugged me, and we left to go to her house. During our bus ride to her house we did not say anything; we just stared at each other, clueless.
"When are you going to tell Alex?" Brittney finally asked when we got to her house. "He is coming over tonight, I guess I will tell him then" I said quietly. "What are you going to do with a baby Camile?" Brittney said in a firm voice, "I don’t know yet, until I talk to Alex" I said. "Well you better start thinking about it, because raising a baby is a lot of work, and who is going to help you? You father? He is just a man, he is not going to know what to do" Brittney said. "I know, well I got to go now, cause Alex should be coming to my house anytime now" I said as I got up from her bed annoyed, and headed home.
It did not take me long to get home since me and Brittney lived a few blocks away, that was part of why we were such great friends.
"I will see you later Camile, I am going out with the guys for our ‘guy’s night out’ take care sweetie" my father told me as he kiss me in my cheek and headed out. Fridays are usually my best days of the week, since my father is gone till the next morning, and Alex gets to sleep over. I quickly ran upstairs to my bedroom, and I looked outside my window, from it I could see our beautiful garden which mother had carefully grew around our spa swimming pool, the view I had was so breath taking. Every time I looked down to our garden it reminded me of my mother. Shortly after I would look up to the sky and pray for her, I always prayed that she still remember us, and that she would look over us. But that day, I just prayed for me, and this living thing growing inside me. I prayed to God to help me make the right choice.
"Hey Camile" Alex said leaning in to kiss me as I let him in the house. "Hi Alex" I said slowly and unsure. Alex like always began kissing on me, and grabbing me all over. I felt weird so I moved away from him, and I led him to the living room. "What’s wrong baby?" when I heard that word come out his lips I froze. "We need to talk" I gently told him, as we sat in the sofa. Alex looked at me with a strange look in his face. "Talk then" he said, his eyes studied my body; I could tell he was not in the mood for talking; he only had one thing in mind. "Do you love me?" I began.
My hands began to shake; I felt chills running through my veins. "Stop playing Camile, you know I do" Alex said quickly as he studied my eyes. "Alex, I am pregnant" I told him, and at that point his eyes grew wide open, he quickly put his hands over his head, and he looked at me strangely. I could not make out what his thoughts were; I was scared to hear what he would say. "Are you sure?" Alex said with a surprised look. "Yes I am sure, I just came from the clinic a while ago, and Brittney went with me" I told him fearful to his reaction. "What! So she knows too? Well what are you going to do about it?" Alex stood up. "Yes she knows, she is my best friend, and I don’t know what to do Alex, I am scared" I said to him crying. "Well you aren’t having it, that’s all I know" Alex said in a mad voice. "What do you mean I am not having it, what is it you are suggesting I do" I said to him with unbelief. "You better go and have an abortion, I am not raising no kid" Alex began to yell. "You want me to kill my baby?" I said appalled. "Your baby? That is no baby, that thing is barely an inch in size, it is not a baby yet!" Alex yelled as he came towards me. "So! That does not mean it’s not a living thing, how could you even tell me to do such a thing, you said you would be there for me...you said you loved me and you wanted to marry me" I cried. "Look, all I know is that you are not having this baby, if you do, you can forget about me, ok?" Alex finally calmed down as he began to walk towards the door. "Where are you going? So what, you are just going to leave? Just like this?" I yelled, as he walked out the door he turn towards me and said "I already told you what you got to do, its up to you know, If you really love me you will do the right thing" he closed the door and left me crying.
I was so confused now even more than earlier. What was I suppose to do; I wished my mother could have been with me, to hold me and take care of me. She would definitely know what to do, she always did. Oh how I missed her. I was so lost, I got to my knees and prayed to God, 'Dear Lord please guide me, help me make the right choice, Let me know what it is that you want me to do, please Lord, don’t leave me' .
A month went by, and I was now 7 weeks along my pregnancy. My father knew nothing about it, and I planned to not tell him anything unless I knew for sure what I would do. Brittney was always there for me; she would come more often to visit me, and would always ask me if I knew what I was going to do. I kept telling her that I was not going to have the baby, but deep inside I had gotten used to the idea of being a mother. I prayed everyday that Alex would come around, but the more the days went by, the more I saw him talking to other girls.
One day I notice him kissing the cheerleader captain, she was blonde, had blue eyes, and was a total skank. I knew she was after Alex, ever since we began dating. I guess she thought that I and Alex had broken up, since he was not talking to me as much. But the fact is that we had not broken up officially though I knew that once he knew I was planning on keeping our baby, he would not be around any more.
"Alex!" I yelled as I pushed Tania out the way. "What do you want" Alex told me in a mean voice. "What do you mean, what do I want, you are cheating on me, and you want me to act like nothing happened?" I yelled. I notice that Tania was smiling so I turned my attention to her "why are you kissing my boyfriend" I told her, I was ready to go off on her any second now. "If he is your boyfriend he sure was not showing it by kissing me" Tania said with a proud smile. By then a lot of students had gather around us, and were voicing their opinions left and right. "You slut!" I said slapping Tania, and pushing her to the floor, Alex tried to break us apart as I was punching Tania in the face while she held to my hair, which happened to be in a braid that day. "Get off me Alex!" I yelled as he grabbed me. "Stop it Camile!" he yelled back. Alex wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me out of there, and at that point Tania got up and kicked me in my stomach. "He is my man now!" She yelled. When I felt her kick I immediately turned over to Alex, who was in shock, I guess it reminded him of our baby, so he let me go, and I went off at Tania. Brittney, who was with her man JR was walking by saw the fight, and came running and got in the fight. "I hate you, you stupid ass!" I yelled as I grabbed Tania by her blonde hair, and pulled her to the ground kicking her down. Soon after school security broke us up and took us to the principal's office. I was suspended for a week, along with Tania. My father was called and 30 minutes later he was driving me home.
"What was the fight about now?" My father asked me with a sad voice. "That girl Tania was kissing on Alex dad" I admitted. "So all of this is over Alex'?" my father questioned. "No, Alex would not have kissed her if she was not always throwing herself at him. She is such a slut!" I stopped for I knew that I being pregnant was the reason why Alex had cheated.
Later that evening Alex stopped by. He came in and we sat in the living room. My father of course was out at work. "Why did you cheat on me Alex, don’t you love me?" I asked him. He got up the couch and began walking back and forth till he stopped in front of me, "did you have the abortion yet?" Alex said. "What! No!" I said. "Then there is nothing else to talk about, you know what Camile, I don’t even know if that kid is mine, so don’t even think of spreading rumors about me being the father to no one" Alex said heading towards the door. "WHAT! You know it’s yours, you are the only one I have ever been with, you knew I was a virgin when we hooked up, don’t even give me that" I said with disgust. Alex grabbed me by my arms and pushed me out the way. "That baby is not mine!" he said as he left. Once again he was out of my life, and this time I knew that it would be for ever. I was devastated to think that I was stuck raising a kid on my own, so young, without a mother to guide me. I knew this would be the hardest thing in the world, but I also knew that it was the only choice. My mother would never approve of me aborting. I knew what I was doing, and now I had to deal with the consequences of my actions.
My pregnancy was so hard and stressful since I had to keep going to school. During my 5th month I was already showing, and I being a well fitted girl people could tell that I was pregnant. That is when all the rumors began. Alex began spreading rumors about me. He made up lies about how I had slept with other guys and that is why he left me. He said that I did not even know who the father of my baby was, and that is why I was 'pinning' the baby at him. I was so angry with him. Everyone believed him. Except the people who knew me, they knew the truth. Brittney was always with me now; she and JR began to have problems because she was neglecting him to be with me. I was so stress out.
When I finally decided to tell my father that I was pregnant he was so upset. He looked at me with such a sad look. He began to cry. I felt worst because I had not seen him cry since my mother died. After he calmed down, he came to me and held me in his arms. I felt safe, and loved, and I knew that we would get through this together.
